Thursday, April 12, 2012

Oh For Grace to Trust Him More

I could talk about a million things  about how wonderful my new home is, how grateful I am for God's great goodness & His provision in providing for my needs, how I still marvel in how He made a way for me to walk "through my Red sea," I could talk of the great roller coaster of "new" emotions I've recently faced since my move (from feeling completely overwhelmed with the prospect of incredible things God has in store ... to thoughts of doubt & unbelief  why would God give a life like MINE something good?)

The fact of the matter is, I don't trust God as trustworthy.

When I look in the mirror, I haven't seen myself as God see's me His daughter clothed in His righteousness, able to accomplish anything through Him. I see a quivering, quiet introvert who finds it difficult to express herself openly & who finds it a challenge to trust people because of traumatic events in my past.

The truth is, I don't trust in my Sovereign God who has ordered every single one of my steps for the purpose of bringing Him glory.

I do know that He wants me to trust Him wholly: through the heartbreaks, through the rejections, through the loss, through the unfulfilled dreams, through the imperfections. Otherwise, I would never know what it means to live in the reality that He is the ultimate Treasure, Lord of All.

I am ever, slowly learning that my Heavenly Father doesn't ask for my perfection in duty   He desires & longs for my HEART. He longs to be intimate with me, and for me to be intimate with Him. He wants me to rest in His All-Sufficiency. He longs for me to spend long hours in His presence, for me to trust His heart, to count on Him as being trustworthy, faithful & loving to do that which is best for me... even if it brings me temporal pain or loss.

"Leah, leave all the garbage of the past behind you. Move beyond it. Arise, my love. Walk forward.

THIS is your story of redemption."

"To Your Spirit I'm drawn like a current at sea, to be where You are, where I am free ...At Your feet I surrender, in Your presence I'm captured, Lord it's here I remember Who You are... You light up my dark like a lamp in the night, revealing the truth, You've opened my eyes, shown me Who You are and all that You see, to You I belong: my Beloved and King..." —Sandy Smith


Cheri said...

Beautiful, dear sister. Love you!

Anonymous said...

I think it's a day to day process...trusting Him and leaving your heart and your life in His capable hands. I know it's isn't easy.... but is it worth it? Definitely! Because God has the best plan for your life!