Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Let Him Do What Seemeth Him Good

I will forever and always love the quote spoken by Hudson Taylor, "God gives His very best to those who leave the choice with Him." The last while, the Lord has been testing me to see if I really believe this quote to be true. I love Psalms 84:11, "For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." It could be easy to read that verse and take it that the Lord will give us everything that makes us happy and comfortable in this life. But I've been reminded that sometimes what HE thinks is good may be something that I don't think is so grand... but am I going to submit to His will, and say, "Yes, Lord, I'll do what you want me to do. I'll go where you want me to go - though the way be marked with pain and lonliness and hardships"?

About two weeks ago, I found myself awake during one of many sleepless nights lately. Though I'm not usually a very outwardly emotionally person, the tears welled and spilled over in the darkness. "Lord, what have I left undone? What do you want me to do? Show me! I feel so useless and purposeless - and I know this is not your will for me to be feeling so!" That weekend I contemplated the fact that maybe the Lord was calling me to move elsewhere... another state... another ministry. The thought crossed my mind that maybe He was trying to tell me that it was time to go.... Time to go overseas again on the missions field and this time, more permanently.

At the beginning of the year, I made the decison that I wanted to visit Europe this year. It was my news years resolution and I was determined to make it happen. I went as far as publicly saying that "nothing important can happen in my life at all until I see Europe first." The prospects of me accompanying a trip to Italy with a group of photographers rose on the horizon. ...But God shut the door. He humbled me to such a point, and I realized that it was out of pure selfishness that I made such a Resolution. Who am I to tell God what I want to do with my life? As a follower of Jesus, my life isn't mine anymore. It's HIS to do with what He so chooses.

So in a nutshell version & to make the story short, the very next day, the Lord provided a full time job for me! I began working a week and a half ago. I am now full time (Monday through Friday, 7:30am to 5:30pm everyday) nanny to 3 children. In all seriousness, it's like suddenly jumping into motherhood and you have 3 kids to care for constantly! :) I really do love children, but there are moments when I get a bit overwhelmed when everything happens at once and each one needs my attention! :) Like moments when we're trying to get out the door for school pick-up or gymnastics practice. Sister needs help changing clothes, Middle Brother has an accident so therefore needs a wardrobe change & sits on the floor wailing in his naptime grogginess, meanwhile Sister exclaims she needs a snack and juice before we go -- and oh, Baby needs to be awakened from his nap, given his bottle, and diaper changed. Finally kiddos are buckled in their car seats, and I'm driving down the neighborhood street. Middle brother starts crying hard. Um, I don't think this is just nap time grogginess or a bad attitude... So Miss Nanny (uh, me) pulls over to find that he had pulled his seat belt tightly around his neck! My heart started racing! Grateful I was able to fix his seatbelt issue before too much time had passed, I got back in the drivers seat. After that, I think I kept one eye ball on the road, and one eye ball in the mirror to make sure they didn't choke on Goldfish crackers or strangle themselves with their seat belts. I whispered, "Oh Lord, am I really ready for all this?" And then I remembered that it was HE who gave me this position. .... SO when everytime things start happening at once and I feel overwhelmed, I think of the quote by missionary Jim Elliot, "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt of every situation you believe to be the will of God."

This nanny job most likely will only be mine till September. After that, I have no idea what God may hold in store. At this point, so many doors that I was eagerly hoping would open, have slammed shut, and so I'm wondering and considering very seriously about returning to the mission field (Africa or South Asia), but only time will tell. Who knows? Maybe I'll eventually be a nanny to a whole orphanage of kiddos in a remote jungle??

But tonight, I am grateful for the blessings God has given me TODAY.
TODAY I am care giver to three adorable blue eyed children.
And I love them.

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Last week, Middle Brother asked me: Are YOU going to have a baby?
I laughed: No, I'm not going to have a baby. I'm not married.
Middle Brother asks sincerely: Why don't you get married so you can have a baby??

(laugh) WOW! Kids and their bluntness! =D

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After long days like the one I described above, I feel so inexperienced, and yet it reminds me that *I* am HIS child. I can run into His arms and cry if I need to. He loves me. And when I nestle in His arms, He strokes my head, and ressures me that it's going to be okay. Because when I am hidden safely in Him, nothing else matters and nothing can harm me there.

"It is the Lord: let him do what seemeth him good." 1 Samuel 3:18


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6 comments:

Samantha R. said...

Wow, what a change in your life! God certainly likes to surprise us! :)
I'm sure your job isn't easy; it's like instant motherhood, isn't it?
(I was a nanny for a little girl for a few years and that was challenging in itself for sure)
God Bless you as you give your life to Him for His glory!

Marci said...

Praise the Lord for your submissive heart--but I have to say--anyone that can juggle those 3 kiddos AND TAKE A PICTURE of it is more together than you might think! :o>

David said...

Very nice... I'll bet that's a very tiring job you have now

Marian said...

Dear Friend...i rejoice in reading how the Lord speaks to your heart and is writing out your life.
Press on dear Leah, RACE in the Spirit.
God bless you and may you continue to seek HIM with your whole heart. It's always refreshing, encouraging and challenging to read your posts!
with lots of love,
-m

Anonymous said...

Wow. I needed to hear those words today! Thanks so much for sharing from your heart, because God used those truths to speak to mine. :) And btw, those kiddos are so adorable! :) God bless you in this special ministry.

In Christ,
Melissa Feeny
Psalms 16:11

Hailey said...

I can relate! I am nannying right now, and it's like experiencing motherhood very early ;-)