Sunday, July 1, 2018

For Everything There Is a Season...

 “...a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted...”
___________
It doesn’t seem that longer ago that I was pounding away at the keyboard, writing my last blog post. Yet here I be, four months later!
My last blog post was written at a time when I was quite content in the city of Chicago and calling it home. I thought I’d be happy making Chicago my home for a very long time—or atleast my “work home” for as long as I’d be a flight attendant!  
About a month later, my seniority in the company at our Chicago base reached a stand still. Infact, it actually went down. It’s hard to explain flight attendant life and schedules to the general audience, but let’s just say that seniority in the flight world is everything. The higher seniority you have, the better trips you have, and the better capability you have to manipulate your schedule to your liking.
The option I had was to transfer my base (or my “work home”—where I start all of my work trips) to Las Vegas. In the Las Vegas base, my seniority would be in the middle, towards the top! I considered my long term financial goals (like retirement saving and buying my first condo or home) and what would be better for the long term. Vegas certainly wouldn’t be on my list of desired places to live... but reality beckoned me to think realistically about my future.
Chicago was comfortable. Everything was easy to me now. Shopping on Michigan Avenue was just a 40 minute train ride away. I had made friends in Chicago at this point.
But what about my long term goals? With that in mind, I put a request in to transfer to Las Vegas. Two months later, my base transfer was granted.
The end of May, I found myself packing my life up—once again—and I said goodbye to many sweet memories I made in Chicago during the year and 3 months I lived there. Strange how just a little over a year prior, everything in Chicago was foreign, unfamiliar and so unlike the northern front range of Colorado... and now I was sad to leave it.
This time, I was moving to a desert on the opposite end of the country, where there were no trees, just cactus and scorpions and temperatures above 100* degrees. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined myself living in the deserts of Nevada—gasp—let alone, Las Vegas.
Beginning in June, I moved into a friend’s home just outside of Vegas, in the city of Henderson. It’s a short distance from the airport, and far enough away from the crazy party life on The Strip. I can walk to Target, the mall and In-N-Out from my house... what more could a lady ask for?! =) (Also, I'm just a four hour drive from Los Angeles!) 
I can’t say I have plans beyond tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll be Vegas forever, or as long as I was in Chicago. I just don’t know. But I’m here today.
Shortly after I moved to Henderson, Nevada, I got together for coffee with a dear lady and long time friend of mine (old enough to be my mother). I’m so glad she was visiting Vegas when she was! We sipped our frozen Matcha lattes at The Coffee Bean Tree & Leaf, and in knowledge that I will be 30 this year, she asked if I was dating anyone, or had a special guy in my life. I openly expressed my interests and excitements and fears about such a topic as she listened with no judgement. She paused and listened again as I talked about the inner healing that has taken place in my life over the last few years—counseling with a therapist, and reading countless books, seeking help and healing from trauma I experienced as far back as my childhood. The trauma I experienced in my childhood has affected many of my relationships, and especially my romantic relationships. Most days lately, I feel so much happier and healthier—but every once in a while, something will trigger all the shame, guilt and fear again. 

My friend (old enough to be my mother) paused thoughtfully. “You know, Leah. None of us a perfect. I’m not perfect, and I’ve made some regrettable mistakes. But that’s where grace comes in for our imperfections. Leah, each stage of your life is going to require a different part of you. Right now, you’re living alone, and though lonely, you’re working on healing things inside you. This is good. But when you get married and have a husband, being a wife will require another part of you... a part of you you’re not acquainted with yet, but you will grow into who you're meant to be. When you become a mother to children, this too will require another part of you. But not yet. Be comfortable with you are right now.”

And those words so eloquently reached my heart. Each phase of life will require a different part of me... a part of me I have never experienced before, but until then, I’m in the process of learning how to be comfortable in my own skin, and to live each day fully with gratitude.

And today? I’m a flight attendant living in Las Vegas. 
I'm where I'm supposed to be.

“For everything, there is a season.”

Monday, February 26, 2018

God Settles the Solitary

These barren winter days in Chicago have spurred inspiration and thought on the strange goodnesses of God  the kind of goodnesses that would cause me to stand back and reflect on them in their deep entirety. I call them "strange" because the ordinary person would not refer to these as "goodnesses." Elisabeth Elliot refers to them as "severe mercies."

I suppose it would be no surprise to most of my blog readers that it has been a long time desire of mine to be married. Perhaps not uncommon to most single people, but I've found the desire over the years to be burdening, nagging & consuming, and other times, the desire seems to rest itself on the distant horizon... lessened, but never none existent.

I can truthfully say that during these last 12 months of living in Chicago and working as a flight attendant, the desire to be married has weakened and ceased to be all-consuming. As an approaching 30-year-old, the desire to be married doesn't seem to eat away at my heart these days (as it once did), for which I am extremely grateful for, but truthfullyI'm surprised by this. Do I dare even say, that sometimes I wonder if this is the Lord's gentle way of settling my heart to willingly accept a life of singleness, dedicated for His purpose.

During a season of brokenheartedness and deep despair 4 years ago, a sub-conscience thought came into my head that I would never be married. It could have been my own frail thinking in the emotion and sorrow of the season, but I also wonder... what is it just that? Or was it a more significant voice... like Jesus telling me so?

Lately I've been pondering on the fact that no where in scripture does God PROMISE marriage to his children. I have no promise or guarantee that He will give me a husband. Yes, he called marriage "good," and many people will be quick to quote Psalms 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart," or Psalms 84:11, "No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly." Yes. No good thing ... even singleness. Maybe singleness is that good gift from above, because often, His ways and thoughts are higher than my own.

Could it be possible that we might live to our old age, and go to our graves with unmet and unfulfilled desires, because God saw best (in His perfect wisdom) to not fulfill our desires... because He wanted us to have a greater joy in Him, for Him? I think yes!

A few weeks ago, I bought some blank flash cards to write down some encouraging scripture on - to glance at throughout the day or when I'm working out in the gym. I felt compelled to jot down some verses that would pertain to a life of singleness... a life that God may very well be calling me to. Each verse speaks of the goodness and kindness of God, and of His sufficiency.

"...they shall be radiant over the goodness of the Lord... I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow. ...my people shall be satisfied with My goodness..." Jeremiah 31:12-14

"Turn my heart toward your statues (laws, rules) and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things." Psalms 119:36, 37 NIV

"This I know, that God is for me." Psalms 56:9

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart." Proverbs 21:2

"To the unmarried... I say that it is good for them to remain single..." 1 Corinthians 7:8

"...In view of the present (impending) distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. ...Are you free from a [husband]? Do not seek a [husband]." 1 Corinthians 7:26, 27

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:32

"To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons & daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off." Isaiah 56:4, 5 

"God settles the solitary in a home." Psalms 68:6

"A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven." John 3:27

"You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you..." Isaiah 43:4

"...there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You." Psalms 73:25

"The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply... The Lord is my chosen portion..." Psalms 16:4, 5 

"No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

"Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you... Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you." Joshua 1:3&5

"Let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have..." Hebrews 13:4, 5
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Could God call me to a life of singleness out of cruelty? Oh nofor Him to do so would be contrary to His nature. If He is indeed calling me to live this life as a single person, it is because He saw in His infinite goodness that this would be the best thing for Leah, and the best thing for His glory. Will this life be easy? Most likely no  not without it's struggle and sorrow, but HE will hold me fast. He will sustain me to walk this journey. Alfred Lloyd Tennyson said it like this, "Ours is not to reason why, Ours is but to do and die." 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

—2018—

“Maybe this year will be the year of desire fulfilled. Perhaps, on the other hand, it will be the year of desire radically transformed, the year of finding, as we have perhaps not yet truly found, Christ to be the All-Sufficient One, Christ the ‘deep, sweet well of Love.’

Life is likely to continue to hold many forms of torture and dismay for the unhappy person and for all who refuse to receive with thanksgiving the place in life God has chosen for them. The torture is self-inflicted, for God has not rejected their prayers. He knows better than any of us do what furthers our salvation. Our true happiness is to be realized precisely through His refusals, which are always mercies. His choice is flawlessly contrived to give the deepest kind of joy, as soon as it is embraced.

Joseph Eliot, in the seventeenth century, said, "I need everything God gives me, and want nothing He denies me."

The cause of our discontent: We simply do not believe God.

Instead of seeing His everlasting love, tenderly bending down to our humanness, longing over each one of us with a father's speechless longing; we sometimes think of Him as indifferent, inaccessible, or just plain unfair.

The worst pains we experience are not those of the suffering itself, but of our stubborn resistance to it, our resolute insistence on our independence. Here is the opportunity offered. Be patient. Wait on the Lord for whatever He appoints, wait quietly, wait trustingly. He holds every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in His hands. Thank Him in advance for what the future holds, for He is already there.”
—Elisabeth Elliot

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Looking Back on 29 Years

It's the "eve" of another birthday, and I've just returned from an evening of shopping at a mall just outside of Chicago. As I sit here and sip on a warm Dunkaccino from Dunkin Donuts, I'm left to contemplate. I stand on the brink of another year of life, adventure & joy, and I also look back on the last twenty-nine years of my life and the experiences I've experienced that have shaped me into the woman that I am today... a single, independent woman living in the big city of Chicago, working for a commercial airline, serving people & going places around the world that I would've never dreamed possible. Life has brought me to a place I never would've visioned for myself, but in this moment, I find rest, contentment and peace, knowing that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but hereright nowbecause this is where God saw best to send me. And you know what? I love it.

Maybe one day (twenty years from now), I'll look back on these words I am writing, and laugh at their naivety and my inexperience. But for now, I'm going to look back, rejoice and be thankful for these twenty nine years of traveling through this earthly country.

First of all, I have learned that my parents did what they humanly thought was best for me. Lets just be honest. It's scary to be "us." It's scary to be human, especially in this dark, twisted world we live in. On top of taking care of ones-self, imagine taking care of a spouse, keeping, cultivating and growing your marriage and taking care of three kids on top of all that. (And for my parents, four more kids came later!) Though my parents are imperfect people who gave birth to an imperfect daughter, I am thankful that they sought to raise me in the best way they knew how.

I am grateful for the hardships, trials and the struggles I endured growing up, because they made me a stronger and more mature woman. Infact, while I was growing up as a girl, people would sometimes remark how much more mature I was than most people my age. I think it was in part, because of the suffering I walked through. I am thankful in spite of growing up around so much legalism and a false-gospel, the Truth is more sweet to me today, and the more that I taste it, the more I find myself relishing in it's freedom. God Himself said, "You will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free." Thanks be to God for such a gift!

I am thankful for the boys who broke my heart. Not because of what they did was okay, or pleasant to go through by any means (infact, many times I wanted to die from the heart break), but each heartbreak deepened my understanding of my value in Christ. My value as "His beloved, chosen and precious one" did not decrease or get tainted, in-spite of my brokenness. I learned how to be a Warrior, and to get back up again, even when my emotions screamed otherwise. I'll never forget when my former Pastor paused and pursed his lips contemplatively, and then said, "It was his loss, Leah."

I am grateful that my dream of becoming a Mommy never came to pass, because Jesus knew that I had a restless, adventurer's heart, and He knew that I needed some time to "spread my wings and fly," before I'd ever be ready to cradle a child. Jesus knew I would need some time to heal old scars & wounds (that bore deeply from my own childhood), before I'd ever be ready to parent a little soul.

Singleness has been a gift. I can sleep in till noon if I wish, I can skimp around on oatmeal and pb & j's, or make a fancy dinner for one if I wish - but never out of necessity for my husband or family. I can jump on a Boeing 787 to London Heathrow if I want, without a worry about a "family budget" to hold to, or a family to take care of. Speaking of which, I attempted the impossible (or atleast the impossible in my mind) this year ... I traveled to England by myself for 5 days. In retrospect, it was the best thing I could've done.

I'm learning that age is just a number. No one ever reaches an age where they can say they've finally arrived or attained a certain level of perfection. Each age and each number is just another year of growing and becoming a better person than we were last year.

No matter who you are, or what you do, there will always be someone out there who dislikes or hates you. There's nothing you can do about it, other than to move on from the hurt and remain confident in who God says you are.

Happiness is an "inside project." Getting that perfect career job, getting married, gaining a husband, having a baby or buying your own house cannot bring true joy & ecstasy, no matter how much you think it might. The moment you pin your hopes and expectation on them, they will fail you, because they are incapable of bringing perfect happiness.

This is my last year of living "in the 20s." It's almost an odd & discomforting thought to think about! Some people make a list of "30 things to do before turning 30," and I haven't made such a list yet, but I'm contemplating it. One desire that springs to the forefront of my heart is a desire to be so rested in my Savior, so unshakably confident in Him, that I would not doubt His ability to provide for all my needs - my true needs - and that my emotional stability would not waver, though I have no one else in all the world to depend on, but only Him.  


London, England

"Lay your life down. Your heartbeats cannot be hoarded. Your reservoir of breaths is draining away. You have hands―blister them while you can. You have bones―make them strain. They can carry nothing in the grave. You have lungs―let them spill with laughter. With an average life expectancy of 78.2 years in the US (subtracting eight hours a day for sleep), I have around 250,00 conscious hours remaining to me in which I could be smiling or scowling, rejoicing in my life, in this race, in this story, or moaning and complaining about my troubles. I can be giving my fingers, my back, my mind, my words, my breaths, to my wife and my children and my neighbors, or I can grasp after the vapor and the vanity for myself, dragging my feet, afraid to die and therefore afraid to live. And, like Adam, I will still die in the end.”

― N.D. Wilson

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

In Quietness & Confidence Shall Be Your Strength

It's remarkable to think that I have been living in Illinois for three months now.  In some ways, it seems so much longer than that, especially considering that during the month prior to "the great move," I was living in Denver for a few weeks during flight attendant school. So in a sense, it's been 4 months since I lived in our grey home on Arbor Drive.

Along with the rush & excitement of moving to a new city & a new part of the country, soon followed with an overwhelming sense of loneliness and homesickness. I found these feelings to be unsettling & surprising, as I've always been the adventure-loving one of the family, always eager and ready to go and do and see. I've been to 9 countries, and was gone for a month at a time on some of those international trips. I lived in Texas for 9 months over 2009 & 2010, and I lived with other families in Northern Colorado for a year's time in 2012 & 2013. So what's up with all these feelings of homesickness?
  • This time, there is no "coming home" to look forward to. This is home.
  • There is no unpacking of a suitcase. Only re-packing for another trip.
  • There is no one to come home to, to talk to, to cry to and find consolation in when LIFE or a multitude of thoughts seem to swallow me up.
  • As much as I try to overlook it, the mold on the bathroom ceiling & the newspaper covering the windows of my apartment rental make me shudder sometimes. "This is all you can afford right now, Leah," I remind myself.
  • My hair frizzes like it's never done before (from the humidity) and my skin has freaked out  going dry - to super oily - back to dry, as it tries to figure out how to adjust to humidity and midwest weather. (Ah, girl problems.) ;-)
  • I can no longer jump into the car on a whim, and head to the nearest Target for a shopping spree. I have to ride the city train or walk everywhere I need to go. (And need to consider my new/broke flight attendant budget.) ;-)
So many changes.

Along with the changes and the new job, I have found it difficult to find a church home yet. Because I haven't been able to find a church home yet, I haven't been able to make any new friendships with other Christian believers, and this, I think, adds to the loneliness.


With the free time that I have, I haven't been reading the Word or encouraging books like I ought to be doing... so, no wonder I've felt 'high & dry' lately. Just in the last week, I've been reminded of my great need, and how I must cry out to my Savior for His sufficiency in my weakness. As with any relationship, to develop a sweeter, closer relationship with Jesus requires intentionality. Oh yes, it's all HIS work in me, and it is HE who hold on to me till the very end, but I can't grow closer to Jesus if I feed off of those things which discourage me or draw my heart & it's affections away from Christ. I am asking Him for a heart that RETURNS to Him, and follows Him... regardless of the cost (loneliness, unwanted singleness, being laughed at, having shattered hopes & dreams, experiencing poverty, etc.) Jesus said if we would follow Him, we must take up our cross... and the cross always entails loss. "For me to live is CHRIST, and to die is GAIN." I live through His life, and gain more of Him by dying to Leah's selfish ambitions and agenda.


So in the seemingly dark or foggy times, I am learning to live by faithnot by my ever wavering emotions. This crazy life of faith is not for the faint of heart, and often times doesn't make sense logically. And yet, even still Christ calls me onward to battle. By grace alone.


The Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "Only in returning to Me and resting in Me will you be saved. 

In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you were unwilling." —Isa. 30:15



Sunday, April 2, 2017

And the Lord Said, "I Will Do A New Thing."

Tonight as I hear nothing but the hum of the refrigerator and the occasional plane taking off overhead my third floor apartment, I am reminded of how quickly a life & it's circumstances can change, and a passage in Jeremiah 32:41 that says, "I will rejoice in doing them good."

This concept has been somehow difficult for me to rest in. Yes, God is good and does wonderful things for other people... but for me... really? A few Autumn seasons ago, I sat across a friend's kitchen table and she asked me, "Do you really believe that God intends GOOD for Leah?" I swallowed hard, and if I had been honest, I would've had to say, "No, but I want to."

Even now, I will testify that it is hard to see the goodness of God when our life and our dreams fall apart and scatter into a thousand pieces around us. This is good for me, Father? To weep and cry in such anguish that you fall to the floor in helplessness, asking God to stop the pain, asking God for a way out of this suffering ... this is good?

It is in these moments of despair and hopelessness that I have cried out to my Father on a number of occasions, asking Him to make my heart believe His promises when all else would tell me that they are not so. It is in this moment, as a Princess Warrior, I must take ahold of faith and lay aside my momentary emotions and feelings and stand on the promise & surety of His Word. God never lies. He is never unsure, or hesitant. When God says something, He will do it.
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One day, the darkness seems to fade, we blink & find ourselves in a new season of life - a new home, a new career, new friends.

Change has seemed to come upon me so quickly, I can hardly grasp it all.

On March 22nd, by God's good grace & faithfulness, I graduated from flight attendant training. What a thrill & sense of accomplishment this was! It was like a dream come true, though a dream unrealized 'til then. It is definitely to be considered one of the happiest days of my life yet.

Five days later, on March 27th, I packed 2 suitcases & 2 carry-on bags with my basic necessities & moved to Chicago, Illinois. How could this be? Just a few weeks prior, my plan was to stay in Denver, Colorado. Surely God planned for me to come to the big city of ChicagoFor what "glorious" purpose, I know not. All I know is that He sent me here, and right now, this is my place of ministry.

Two days after moving to Chicago, I flew my first flight as a flight attendant to Cancun, Mexico. I secretly had been hoping that my first trip would be to an International destination, and it was! I haven't flown since then, but quite honestly, the rest the last few days has been welcome.

Throughout this whole moving process, I've often been reminded of a line from a a movie called, "Last Flight Out,"

"My safety is of no concern.
There's no better place to be,
then in the center of God's willunless it's in His presence."


My prayer is that the Lord would be my Rock, my Protector and my Provider as I learn to live in a big city that can, at times, be dangerous & unknown territory for a single women of small frame. When the loneliness creeps in, I pray that He would draw me close & remind me of His unfailing kindness. He's given me everything I need to serve Him in this place.

"[He] set my feet upon a Rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust." Psalms 40:2-4

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19




Monday, February 6, 2017

Even There

"...even there, Your hand will guide me, 
Your right hand will hold me fast."
Psalms 139:10



Tonight, my mind is wandering to the "even there's" in life. 

We all have them. 

Those places we're currently, or have been afraid to enter or experience for fear of what those places would feel like, how we might feel isolated or incapable of walking through, or maybe it's just having to experience an "out of the box" situation that we never dreamed we'd face. But there it isstaring us in the face, blocking the very path of life we travel on & we realize that we must go through it fully, in order to proceed forward. The more we stall for time, the more it rears it's ugly head in sight & it chokes and consumes our very life and joy. Perhaps for some of us, it is walking through "the valley of the shadow."

Even there.
___________________________________

I am currently proceeding forward in a journey that I never expected I'd journey in. Not a bad one, not an evil one, not even unpleasant ... but unexpected. 

Let me tell you a story.

While this is certainly not to demean or disrespect people with views such as these, you might say I grew up with the "homeschool graduate mindset," or so we'll call it. In such an ideal world, one would graduate from high school at 18 (and for some, it was more virtuous to finish school at 16), and fully devote all of your time afterwards, preparing for marriage & the duties that marriage life would bring. (Extra bonus points for the young ladies if they knew how to sew their own clothes, sew quilts, hoard away things in a hope-chest for their future life & can fruits and vegetables from the garden.) THAT was the ultimatumatleast in the social circles I was in. In such an ideal world, you would be married around 20, start having babies & make a cute Mom blog that would have an enormous subscriber's list and readership. 

Is that a bad dream? By all means - no, however that was the loftiest dream I held as a young person. For my friend, Ashleigh, that was God's story for her. And I wanted it to be my story too. 

But God had another plan in mind.

I went to work outside the home at age 15, and have been working a paid job ever since. (Because, you know, we all have to to buy deodarant and toothpaste... and things like that.) I stopped sewing, and I've never canned a thing in my life. All those guys I had crushes on while growing up as a teenager got married to other people. When I was 19, I met someone whom I thought was the man God wanted me to marry and our interests and everything seemed to match up - but it wasn't meant to be. Over the last 10 years of my life, I have endured more heartbreaks than I wished. I have had men tell me they never liked me like "that," and I've said goodbye to friendships that once, seemed special. Ah. Those tear inducing, heart throbbing and painful circumstances that are always so difficult to know how to walk through in a Christlike manner. 

Was all that in my life dream? Absolutely not. To be the lady no one wanted. Who wants that? I didn't. But God allowed me to walk down a road I never penned, because He wanted to make me into a more beautiful woman than I ever dreamed for myself.

Fast forward to the present day. 
Now less than 2 years away from turning 30 years of age, I can't help but consider what  God does have in His story for me. A recent while ago, I began  to realize that my financial needs were increasing in the foreground, and started to consider  the possibility of looking for a salary wage, career job to support a single woman. Last year, the realization hit when I saw that working as a Starbucks barista would not be sufficient enough to LIVE off of. For me, having a salary wage, career job was (for many years) thought to be ungodly (especially in homeschooling type circles), because Titus 2 says that young women should be taught to be keepers at home. But that chapter also mentions "loving their husbands & children," and I didn't have those. God brought me to a place of rest, and I realized that perhaps for right now - for this season - God's actual BEST for me might look like that which I never dreamed of, or thought would be okay. Maybe His very best for me looked like having a career job.

I am currently about to embark on a new journey & walk of life as a flight attendant. As I study & prepare to head off to training in a couple weeks, I am filled with so many emotions. Excitement (I'll get to see so many places & experience new things!), and fear (What if I get attacked by a rapist - like that story Dad told me about? What if I'm the flight attendant on board another terrorist attack flight? What if...?) 

While this next step is by no means a bad thing, it is very unknown to me. It's uncharted territory, it's a mountain to be climbed. The thrill of the adventure will be accompanied by losses, failures, successes and hard work. Through it all - even there - I am confident that God is leading me forward.

So what is the point of this blog post? What is the point of my wandering thoughts tonight? I guess realizing that even in my own perceived "bad" and "good" places, God is not bound to my perceptions. His will and plan is so much more glorious and big. He can be glorified wherever He calls me ... because He called me to that particular place.

Even there, God's hand will guide me. 
Even there, His hand will hold me fast.

What's your "even there" tonight? 

Let your heart rest assuredGod is there, and He holds you.